If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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