Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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