in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
