Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
