Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
