the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't notice because vodka
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
