Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
