i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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