I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
