All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
