me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
