doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize