if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
