I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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