Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize