so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize