We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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