Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
