Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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