i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize