but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
