some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
