At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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