I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
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