i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
