i was born a porn star she said
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
