does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
