My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
