cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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