So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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