i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
