turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
