People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she told me i tasted like america
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
