Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
