If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
