ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize