i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is wine microwaveable?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize