So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
