I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
