the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
