I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
