Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
