The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You don't make any sense
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