i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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