i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
