i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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