Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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