I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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