Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize