the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
