What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
