Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
