I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
