Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
