i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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