Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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