If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
