oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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