she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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