but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
