Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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