He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
