Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
