I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
