wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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