I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize