Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
