She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
