i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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