So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
