I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
its liver damage thursday
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