R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
