Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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