i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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