On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
