I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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