it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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