Welp...herpes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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