Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
